As-Salamu Alaykum (peace be upon you),
How To Stop Gossip
If any of us hear gossip about one of our sisters, we are enjoined to oppose it, and correct the speaker- gently, politely, and with wisdom. This is in accordance with the various ways of changing a bad deed which were described by the Messenger of Allah (Peace and blessings be upon him):
"Whoever of you sees an evil deed should change it with her hand [by acting], or if she cannot do that, then with her tongue [by speaking out], or if she cannot do that, then with her heart - and that is the weakest of faith." [Muslim]
We should try to do to the best of our ability. The least of these is opposing the wrong deed in our hearts, which in this case should make us leave the gathering where the gossip is taking place.
Let us think about the words of Allah:
"When you see men engaged in vain discourse about Our Signs, turn away from them unless they turn to a different theme. If Satan ever makes you forget, then after recollection, do not sit in the company of those who do wrong." [Noble Quran 6:68]
Let those who relish gossip beware! The Messenger of Allah (Peace and blessings be upon him) ordered those who hear gossip to reject it, but they are accepting it with pleasure! Woe to you! Are you not thinking about where you will end up? It is as if you think you were created only for fooling about and committing sins! For your Lord's sake tell me: are you Muslims?!
The Varying Forms of Wrongful Backbiting
Some sisters will backbite in accordance to her gathering and her companions and her associates. Whilst her knowing that the one being backbitten is free of what it is they say - or of some of what they say. However; she sees that if she were to forbid them then the sitting will cease and the people of the sitting would become sullen with her just as they would become estranged from her. So she sees compliance with them through good social relations as well as good companionship; so when they become angered then she likewise becomes angry due to their being angered - so she takes it up with them.
Then there are those that take backbiting out into many forms. So at times it would be in the form of religion and rectification, so she will say: "I am not in the habit of mentioning anyone except in good; and I neither like backbiting nor lies. However I shall inform you of her affairs." So she will say: "By Allah - she is Miskeen (weak/pitied) - or she is a good woman; however she has in her such and such." Or she may say: "let us leave off her; may Allah forgive her and us." Whilst her intent is to belittle her as well as causing a wrong to her flank. Thus taking the backbiting out from the form of rectification and religion. They seek to deceive Allah with that just as they deceive the creation. For we have seen this and its like from them in many varying colors.
Then there are those that will elevate other than herself out of showing off - so as to promote themselves. So, for instance, she will say: "If I had supplicated for so and so last night in my prayer; then there would have reached me from her such and such." So as to raise herself whilst putting down the other person. Or she may say: "so and so is dull in intelligence and has little understanding." So her intent is to praise herself and demonstrate that she is better than the other person.
Likewise from them are those that are carried by envy upon backbiting; and so will gather between two ugly affairs: backbiting as well as envy. So when an individual is praised, she will try to remove that from them through revealing their deficiencies by making corrections in their religion - or in the form of envy and immorality and dispraise - in order to remove the praise from them.
Then there are those that take backbiting out into the form of mockery and play; in order to bring laughter to other than herself through her joking and her mimicry and her belittling of the one she is joking about.
Then there are those that take backbiting out into the form of amazement; so she will say: "I am amazed at so and so at how she does not do such and such?! And from so and so as to how she fell into such and such; and how she did such and such." Thus pronouncing her name during the course of her amazement.
There are those from them that show sorrow; so she will say: "so and so is weak/pitied, it has caused me sorrow for what has happened to her and what the outcome was for her." So someone who hears her thinks that she has sorrow for the individual and that she is regretful and that her heart is covered in the attainment of recovery for them. She may also mention them in front of their enemies so that they may profit from it. So this; and other than it is from amongst the greatest of the sicknesses of the heart as well as deceitfulness to Allah and His creation.
From them are those that make apparent backbiting through the form of anger and disapproving something abominable. So there becomes manifest in this aspect certain things from the adornment of speech which contains fallacies. Whilst her intent was other than what she made apparent. And Allah's aid is sought. |
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