How Does One Control Their Temper.......

As-Salamu Alaykum (peace be upon you), How Does One Control Their Temper? Praise be to Allah. Anger is one of the evil whispers of Shaytan, which leads to so many evils and tragedies, of which only Allah knows their full extent. For this reason Islam has a great deal to say about this bad characteristic, and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) described cures for this "disease" and ways to limit its effects, among which are the following: Seeking refuge with Allah from the Shaytan: Sulaiman ibn Sard said: "I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, 'I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said "I seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan," what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.'" [Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 6/337] The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "If a man gets angry and says, 'I seek refuge with Allah,' his anger will go away."  Keeping silent: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent." This is because in most cases, the angry person loses self control and could utter words of Kufr (from which we seek refuge with Allah), or curses, or the word of divorce (Talaq) which would destroy his home, or words of slander which would bring him the enmity and hatred of others. So, in short, keeping silent is the solution which helps one to avoid all that. Not moving: Abu Dharr narrated that he was taking his camels to drink at a trough that he owned, when some other people came along and said (to one another), "Who can compete with Abu Dharr (in bringing animals to drink) and make his hair stand on end?" A man said, "I can," so he brought his animals and competed with Abu Dharr, with the result that the trough was broken. [i.e., Abu Dharr was expecting help in watering his camels, but instead the man misbehaved and caused the trough to be broken]. Abu Dharr was standing, so he sat down, then he lay down. Someone asked him, "O Abu Dharr, why did you sit down then lie down?" He said: "The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down." Following the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): Abu Hurairah reported that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), "Advise me." He said, "Do not become angry." The man repeated his request several times, and each time the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) told him, "Do not become angry." According to another report, the man said: "I thought about what the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, and I realized that anger combines all kinds of evil." Do not become angry and Paradise will be yours (a Sahih Hadith): Remembering what Allah has promised to the righteous (Muttaqun) who keep away from the causes of anger and struggle within themselves to control it, is one of the most effective ways of extinguishing the flames of anger. One of the Hadith that describe the great reward for doing this is: "Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection." Another great reward is described in the Prophet's words: "Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allah will call him before all of mankind on the Day of Resurrection, and will let him choose of the Hur al-'Iyn whoever he wants." Knowing the high status and advantages offered to those who control themselves: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling); rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry." [Reported by Ahmad, 2/236; the Hadith is agreed upon]. The greater the anger, the higher the status of the one who controls himself. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "The strongest man is the one who, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise, is able to defeat his anger." Anas reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) passed by some people who were wrestling. He asked, "What is this?" They said: "So-and-so is the strongest, he can beat anybody." The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Shall I not tell you who is even stronger then him? The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls his anger, has defeated his own Shaytan and the Shaytan of the one who made him angry." Following the Prophet's example in the case of anger: The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is our leader and has set the highest example in this matter, as is recorded in a number of Hadith. One of the most famous was reported by Anas who said: "I was walking with the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), and he was wearing a Najrani cloak with a rough collar. A Bedouin came and seized him roughly by the edge of his cloak, and I saw the marks left on his neck by the collar. Then the Bedouin ordered him to give him some of the wealth of Allah that he had. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he should be given something." Knowing that resisting anger is one of the signs of righteousness (Taqwa): The righteous (al-Muttaqun) are those praised by Allah in the Quran and by His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him). Paradise as wide as heaven and earth has been prepared for them. One of their characteristics is that they (interpretation of the meaning): "Spend (in Allah's Cause) in prosperity and in adversity, [they] repress anger, and [they] pardon men; verily, Allah loves al-Muhsinun (the good-doers)." [Noble Quran 3:134] These are the ones whose good character and beautiful attributes and deeds Allah has mentioned, and whom people admire and want to emulate. One of their characteristics is that (interpretation of the meaning): "...when they are angry, they forgive." [Noble Quran 42:37] Listening to reminders: Anger is a part of human nature, and people vary in their anger. It may be difficult for a man not to get angry, but sincere people will remember Allah when they are reminded, and they will not overstep the mark. Some examples follow: Ibn 'Abbas reported that a man sought permission to speak to 'Umar ibn al-Khattab then he said: "O son of al-Khattab, you are not giving us much and you are not judging fairly between us." 'Umar was so angry that he was about to attack the man, but al-Hurr ibn Qays, who was one of those present, said: "O Amir al-Mu'minin, Allah said to His Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning):  'Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish' [Noble Quran 7:199] This man is one of the foolish." By Allah, 'Umar could go no further after al-Hurr had recited this Ayah to him, and he a man who was careful to adhere to the Book of Allah.  Knowing the bad effects of anger: The negative effects of anger are many; in short they cause damage to one's own self and to others. The angry person may utter words of slander and obscenity, he may attack others (physically) in an uncontrolled manner, even to the point of killing. The following story contains a valuable lesson: 'Ilqimah ibn Wa'il reported that his father told him: "I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) when a man came to him leading another man by a rope. He said, 'O Messenger of Allah, this man killed my brother.' The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) asked him, 'Did you kill him?' He said, 'Yes, I killed him.' He asked, 'How did you kill him?' He said, 'He and I were hitting a tree to make the leaves fall, for animal feed, and he slandered me, so I struck him on the side of the head with an axe, and killed him..." The angry person should think about himself during moments of anger: If the angry person could see himself in the mirror when he is angry, he would hate himself and the way he looks. If he could see the way he changes, and the way his body and limbs shake, how his eyes glare and how out of control and crazy his behavior is, he would despise himself and be revolted by his own appearance. It is well-known that inner ugliness is even worse than outer ugliness; how happy the Shaytan must be when a person is in this state! We seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan and from failure. Du'a': Du'a' is always the weapon of the believer. One of the Du'as of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was: "O Allah, by Your knowledge of the Unseen and Your power over Your creation, keep me alive for as long as You know life is good for me, and cause me to die when You know death is good for me. O Allah, I ask You to make me fear You in secret and in public, and I ask You to make me speak the truth in times of contentment and of anger. I ask You not to let me be extravagant in poverty or in prosperity. I ask You for continuous blessings, and for contentment that does not end. I ask You to let me accept Your decree, and for a good life after death. I ask You for the joy of seeing Your face and for the longing to meet You, without going through diseases and misguiding Fitnah (trials). O Allah, adorn us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who are guided. Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds."